Dhoni dhamaaka!

Posted by: drajesh on: June 17, 2009

• In: Humour
• Comment!

Having been knocked out of the WC T20 tournament, almost everyone is bashing the Indian team targeting mostly Dhoni. So, KDTV( No, it’s not NDTV!) reporter tried and managed to have an appointment for an interview with our captain cool. To be frank he has spoken his heart out. Here goes the transcript of the conversation.

Rep: Hello, Mr. Captain cool, how do you feel now as ousted champions?

MSD: We don’t really feel sad because we were actually gifted for had come so far. You know, I have already sent “Thank you” messages to the captains of Ireland and Bangladesh.

Rep: oh, really? You are a very gracious captain, indeed! Nice to have you here. By the way, what were the reasons you consider for not able to be as competent as you were 2 years ago?

MSD: Well, firstly, I have to blame myself. I cut my funky long hair after 2007 WC and I suppose that was the luck factor for our T20 win then. Then this new jersey! You see, we were knocked out in 2007 ODI WC also when we recently jersey-switched then! So, I mind you, we were actually doomed and not outplayed.

Rep: Okay. But remember you won matches in league stages. Coming back to the do or die England match, it seems you were the major culprit for the loss, no?

MSD: No, not really. See, England didn’t play with true spirit of cricket. So, I don’t blame myself for this.

Rep: True spirit? What do you mean?

MSD: See, they had Broad in the squad but he never provided us with the width when he bowled to execute our shots freely. Broad means width, right? Secondly, Sidebottom. He bowled only bouncers but his name is side-bottom. And most importantly they had Wright in the squad, that’s why everything went right for them but we don’t have one. It’s up to the selection committee to select Wrights, no?

Rep: Well, you are an amazingly great captain Mr. Dhoni. Now tell us, what went wrong for your team in the encounter with West Indies?

MSD: As I already said a captain should have long funky hair to win matches. Gayle has long dreadlocks but not me. I blame myself for it surely. I wish to clear your mind before you ask as why we lost against RSA. It’s because their vice-captain has relatively long hair than our regular vice captain viru.

Rep: Oh dhoni, now I understand why you are considered as a thinking captain. There are lot of controversies around your decision when you sent Jadeja above Yuvraj. What is your say?

MSD: I’m not only a captain but also a good friend of everyone. By that time yuvraj was seriously flirting with deepika through text messages. How could I disturb my friend’s pleasure? Moreover, jadeja is a small kid and he was crying and threatened to complain to his mom if we didn’t let him to bat at two-down. We tried to persuade him by giving lollypops but it didn’t work out unfortunately. Also, he ran with his bat in anxiety into the ground before my green signal like kids do in street cricket. We were just praying he should not last more than an over. But things went not in our way.

Rep: Oh. But what made your all time favorite Raina to fail at one-down?

MSD: See, you can’t blame him totally. English pace men took care of his minuscule nature and bowled only short balls. As we see, he jumped and tried to at least touch the ball but those were too high for that. So we have ordered a pair of specially made high healed Reabok sports shoes for him to counter such deliveries in future. If those shoes don’t fit him then we have a groovy plan to send our broom stick Ishant to bat there. We are coaching Ishant specially to bat bouncers instead of him bowling those.

Rep: What an idea sir ji! Indian think tank works over time, I suppose. But, yuvi too failed on that particular match against England, no?

MSD: Yeah. He usually likes “kisses for sixes” rationale. That’s why he loves to hit maximums. He hit two huge sixes towards deepika but she didn’t seem to respond with any flying kisses. So our yuvi got frustrated and returned to the dug-out to resume his flirting. Later, he understood that deepika was upset as he went to bat without replying her SMS.

Rep: Then, what happened to you? You looked completely out of touch both behind and in front of the stumps?

MSD: Yes, I have to really work on that. See, I have to wear two types of gloves, one for batting and another for keeping. So, at times, I feel inconvenient for I have to use two different glove types in a single match. It too needs a revolutionary thinking. Hopefully, I can work it out soon.

Rep: About your rift with media and Viru?

MSD: I once again say I have not any rift with any of those two. It was his mistake to have brought his wife to England. I was having a friendly chat with Ms. Viru but Mr. Viru mistook that as something and he created issues out of nothing. And, I had and have no rift with the media, if I have one then I won’t be sitting and talking my heart out despite my busy ad shoot schedules. Understood?

Rep: Okay Mr. Cool, please cool down! You are becoming Mr. Hot sometimes these days. Well, what do think about the upcoming Caribbean tour?

MSD: Yeah, we, as a resurgent team are looking forward to that very much. I assure you that it’s going to be an interesting different ball game. As Windies are also a good fielding side as ours the matches are not going to be a competition of how many runs scored or how many wickets taken but how many catches dropped.

Rep: Well, it’s great to hear this from a captain of a cricket crazy country. I thank you for having spent your valuable time with us. Wish you good luck and see you people back in good form soon.

MSD: Thank you. Wish me some luck for my hair to grow sooner and longer.

Rep: Sure. Wish you once again.

MSD: Welcome. *Innamumma indha ulagam nammala nambuthu?*

Disclaimer: All characters and incidents in this post are truly fictional and any resemblances with the actual incidents or persons are purely coincidental.

Tags: cricket, Reporter, T20